He Ate the Bagels

After a long day of being tired and hungry, I was exhausted and starving. I’m talking “I can’t be bothered with cooking, and if I could safely swallow food while sleeping I’d never leave the house” type hungry and tired.

Target acquired: Mama wants a cinnamon raisin bagel, maybe even 2, I was no longer in control. I spent my entire drive home longing for cinnamon swirls to dance on my tongue with raisin bombs exploding in a bed of carbs. Sweet baby Simon! I could smell the sweet aroma as if it were a Yankee Candle.

I did the pregnant shuffle as fast as my feet could handle, nearly knocking over my love and Christmas tree in a manic bagel fury.  I’m sure he’d understand after being briefed with a text explaining just how hungry and tired I was earlier. On my way to the pantry, I told him I was going to “make love to every bagel we had in the house.”

His face immediately looked like he ran over a squirrel.

“YOU DIDN’T!” my voice cracked. My reaction mirrored that of when I found out the Jonas Brothers were breaking up. Pitiful, “how could you?!” tears fogged up my glasses.

I could hardly look in his direction as he pleaded his case. Through apologies and promises to take me on a VIP tour of the Thomas’ bread factory, I heard “they weren’t marked with your name!” Those words split through the rest in a violent manner. I think I temporarily blacked out. No, they were not marked. We are not college roommates. There is an unspoken law that no food source in a pregnant woman’s home should be exhausted without being immediately replaced. (If there wasn’t before there certainly is now).

I handled this situation the way almost any lady with a baby would…”I’m not even hungry, I’m going to bed.”

30 minutes later a pizza arrived at my door, hot and fresh and without cinnamon or any raisins.

I love you, babe. Pregnant me just really loves bagels.

P.S. I’m from New Jersey where the bagels taste like kissing an angel. If I can’t have a Thomas’ cinnamon raisin bagel when a craving hits, what do I have left?

P.P.S. Looking back now, he was probably just getting back at me for asking him to sleep on the couch the night before. Apparently in a delusional state I exclaimed that I had “finally found a comfortable position and it requires the entire bed and all his pillows.” I don’t remember saying this, but I did find the poor guy on the couch in the morning.

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