8 Things That Happen When You Plan Your Kid’s 1st Birthday Party

You did it. You kept a human alive and thriving for 365 days. After 525,600 minutes, glasses of wine and Google searches, it all comes down to this: the 1st birthday party.

Is it for them? For instagram likes? Or an excuse for you to drink champagne and cry? I’ll be honest, I’m not sure. But I these 8 things will totally happen in the process.

You’ll Spend His College Fund.

The very little that you started to save in the first place will be gone. Consider that piggy bank smashed. Do you know how much a helium tank goes for these days? More importantly, did you know rock candy costs as much as a helium tank? It doesn’t matter, you need all of it.

You’ll become an expert on things you never thought you’d care about.

The average life expectancy of a mermaid is 36. Chicken noodle soup that was flown on Apollo 11 is worth more than your life. Unicorns fart glitter. The first dinosaur to be formally named was the Megalosaurus. This party will be authentic AF.

You’ll ruin your walls.

Kiss your security deposit goodbye. Your landlord will be convinced you threw a Keg & Eggs banger, not a Pancake and Pajamas soiree that wrapped up by nap time. There’s 923 variations of the Command hook, yet none can hold your balloon garland just right. Stick to a hammer and some duct tape–literally–and it’ll look like you hired a professional.

You’ll forget it’s your birthday, too.

Last year you planned a trip to Vegas to see BSB front row. That trip was cancelled once you did the math and realized you’d be 36 weeks pregnant at showtime, but you always did it big.  This year you listen to their new album while you curate the perfect collection of moon rocks for your little dude’s big day. With a glass–or 12–of wine, of course.

You’ll invite someone you met once.

The kid with the rash from your trial swim class, your downstairs neighbor you’ve never spoken too, the cashier at the grocery store. They’re all invited. This is your baby’s FIRST BIRTHDAY and everyone’s coming.

You’ll convince yourself that there must be a petting zoo.

It will not matter if you’re celebrating at a princess tea party…there will be goats. And pigs. And giraffes if you know the right people.

You’ll cry. A lot.

That’s your baby. You literally just met that mush 5 minutes ago and now they’re double fisting smash cakes. What an amazing and heartbreaking feeling all mixed into one. Time surely flies, everyone warned you.

For out of this world party ideas, visit Momo Party!

You’ll party hard.

Once you wipe the tears off of your face and custom NASA jacket, it’s time to celebrate. You literally watched a tiny person you made change and grow for an entire year. Drink it all in, and drink champagne.

Whether you celebrate with some extra snuggles before work, or you erect an entire circus tent and hire Raffi, this is a day you’ll never forget.

I don’t think the collections calls will ever let me forget it.

Bumpy Road: Pregnancy Travel Guide

Tip #1: Don’t do it.

Juuuuuust kidding! Seriously, traveling while pregnant was a lot easier than I had anticipated. We live 1,500 miles away from our families in New Jersey, and the thought of spending the holidays away from them wasn’t very cheerful at all. Although we already had a flight booked for early January to celebrate our baby shower, we decided to make the trip home for Christmas as well. When we shared our itinerary with others it seemed a little insane, especially during my third trimester, but we were happy to make the trip(s)!

Keep in mind, this is not intended to be medical advice, just a few things that helped keep me comfortable on a 26+ hour drive and a 3.5 hour flight. Of course we got medical clearance, and my OB’s only advice to was to take frequent stops (every 3 hours) to amp up circulation in my legs. I took it a few steps further and am happy to report ZERO swelling and minimal discomfort on both voyages.

Space Jam: Rent a Car

To my pregnant body, our vehicles seemed like clown cars. There was no way I’d feel comfortable riding shot gun with our pup and presents crammed in the backseat with no room for me to push back or recline. If we were going to make this trip, my number one priority was to be as cozy as possible, so we rented an SUV. Nothing over the top, just large enough for me to be able to push the front seat ALL the way back and be able to recline if I wanted. A pet peeve of mine used to be people’s feet resting on the dashboard (can’t tell you why, but I’d gag at the sight) but you better believe my pregnant puppies were stretched out up there. I apologize to the fellow travelers who had to witness this.

Compressed is Best:

Glamorous? No way. Necessary? Hell yes! I am now a HUGE fan of compression socks. They vary in intensity and price, so I went with my gut and grabbed the cheapest pair I could find. “As Seen on TV” means they gotta be good! They were extremely comfortable and I had ZERO swelling on land or in the air. Get yours here.

Hydration Nation:

All day, every day, hydration is a huge pregnancy priority. I made sure to keep a bottle of water nearby and munched on low-salt snacks. Yes, I brought an emergency potty. No, I didn’t have to use it.

I boarded the plane with a liter of water each way and wasn’t shy about asking for sparkling water every time my lovey ordered another whiskey.

Speak up:

I take road trips very seriously and value making “good time.” That went out the window as soon as I stuffed my belly into the front seat. As annoying as it was for me, and the driver, it was important to speak up any time I needed to use the restroom or just stretch out a bit. The doctor suggested we stop every 3 hours, but sometimes baby and I were ready after 45 minutes. Listen to your body!

Work it Out:

Blood clots are a concern during long trips due to poor circulation. Compression socks absolutely help, but I felt even better if I made an effort to move around a bit. I spent a lot of time doing (c)ankle circles, and pointing and flexing my feet to get my blood pumping. As soon as the pilot turned off the “fasten seatbelt” sign, I had absolutely no shame in making that aisle my runway.

Cloud 9:

My pregnancy pillow took the ride with us! I wasn’t exactly sure if it would get much use, but better safe than sorry. At one point during our road trip, the dog and I switched places so I could stretch out in the backseat. My pillow swallowed me like an anaconda and my legs almost immediately fell asleep. I found the front to be the best spot for me, and although it was a tight squeeze, my pillow offered lots of cozy support jammed up there with me.

We all made it in one piece and had the most amazing time with our families. Again, this is not intended to be medical advice, just a few extra steps that made this mama comfortable on the go.

Special thanks to my babe for driving the ENTIRE way, and to my bestie for providing food, shelter and sweet babies to play with at the halfway point.



He Ate the Bagels

After a long day of being tired and hungry, I was exhausted and starving. I’m talking “I can’t be bothered with cooking, and if I could safely swallow food while sleeping I’d never leave the house” type hungry and tired.

Target acquired: Mama wants a cinnamon raisin bagel, maybe even 2, I was no longer in control. I spent my entire drive home longing for cinnamon swirls to dance on my tongue with raisin bombs exploding in a bed of carbs. Sweet baby Simon! I could smell the sweet aroma as if it were a Yankee Candle.

I did the pregnant shuffle as fast as my feet could handle, nearly knocking over my love and Christmas tree in a manic bagel fury.  I’m sure he’d understand after being briefed with a text explaining just how hungry and tired I was earlier. On my way to the pantry, I told him I was going to “make love to every bagel we had in the house.”

His face immediately looked like he ran over a squirrel.

“YOU DIDN’T!” my voice cracked. My reaction mirrored that of when I found out the Jonas Brothers were breaking up. Pitiful, “how could you?!” tears fogged up my glasses.

I could hardly look in his direction as he pleaded his case. Through apologies and promises to take me on a VIP tour of the Thomas’ bread factory, I heard “they weren’t marked with your name!” Those words split through the rest in a violent manner. I think I temporarily blacked out. No, they were not marked. We are not college roommates. There is an unspoken law that no food source in a pregnant woman’s home should be exhausted without being immediately replaced. (If there wasn’t before there certainly is now).

I handled this situation the way almost any lady with a baby would…”I’m not even hungry, I’m going to bed.”

30 minutes later a pizza arrived at my door, hot and fresh and without cinnamon or any raisins.

I love you, babe. Pregnant me just really loves bagels.

P.S. I’m from New Jersey where the bagels taste like kissing an angel. If I can’t have a Thomas’ cinnamon raisin bagel when a craving hits, what do I have left?

P.P.S. Looking back now, he was probably just getting back at me for asking him to sleep on the couch the night before. Apparently in a delusional state I exclaimed that I had “finally found a comfortable position and it requires the entire bed and all his pillows.” I don’t remember saying this, but I did find the poor guy on the couch in the morning.